Wednesday, June 25, 2008 one word to summarise today, TIRING. started off with a busy morning i must say. when watchin tv in d morning fell asleep. but woke up at 6 so faster go out of the house cos i scared late. den reach sch le first block was basketball. got hit by d yinyi once at d corner of the eye. lucky i not wearing specs lor. super lucky. if not my eye blind le. den after tt suddenly wen playing that time i was trying to pick up my ball cos i miss d basket, den after that i cant rmb whose ball hit my left arm again. the pain came back for a while and i didnt catch nor shoot well. i'm sorry to my grp cos i like wasted 5 chances of scoring. i'm so sorry vicky, najwa, xingzhi and it goes on and on. after pe was recess and after tt had four hours of lesson straight. i felt like a prisoner caged up in my cage, unable to go anywhere else. i was thinking about stuff again in my head. things go on and on, endless thoughts go on and on. and i feel like such an idoit, thinking about others even before i realised that i have almost the same problem too. i'm such an idoit. after d first block science was lit. wen to the clc and sat on those types of office chairs. cant sit straight as usual and after that was geog. and we're supposed to have a debate thing that everyone had to speak. but wen i stood up, i realised i had lost all the confidence i used to have for speaking in the public. i was even a chinese debater not long ago, exactly 3 years back. and that time when we got into the finals i even spoke in front of the whole school and i wasnt a little nervous or scared at all. why does this have to happen to me also? why? i figured out it was because since i got into rg i guess everything has changed. the amt of confidence i had, everything. the reason why i didnt do so well in mid-years? that's jus cos i thougt i knew everything that was gonna be tested. i was over confident, as compared to lack of confidence wen i was in sec one. i guess that was the main difference. i even doubt myself that i even have the confidence to like study in rg afterall. esp after myas. i know something's wrong with me cos i can just use the comp and my fone for like the whole day. i wasnt even like that in primary school, no matter what i will finish whatever homework i have for that day. but look at me now? i dont even bother to do all the homework assigned. and when i made a stupid mistake i try to tell more lies just to cover whatever i said. this wasnt me just 2 years ago. 2 years ago i will just stand up to the teacher and admit my mistake. what's wrong with me? after geog was lunch, den i took 105 with yinyi to go for sl. met elaine they all on the bus. i guess i still haven got over the issue last time. and i really belive it now. i'm jus over sensitive just like gorgor said. but i cant seem to put down whatever i have in my heart. 105 we alighted and wen to macs to eat. thinking about it, i was still cheerful and stuff before recieving THAT sms. it was THAT sms that spoiled my whole mood i guess. i didnt think and didnt know that something like that will happen, although i should have known better after the quarrel yesterday during aesthtics. i'm jus an idoit. after eating we took 105 again all the way to serangoon interchange and walked to take 147 to go to glory centre. met ben woo jiaming and two of their friends there.jus when i was telling yinyi later scared meet maris ppl at toapayoh there den they appear right in front of my eyes at serangoon. the world's just to small eh. after tt took 147 all the way to glory centre and reached there at around 330. after tt wen in and realised that they didnt know we're coming today. turns out that they said zhitian didnt call them, but i am super sure zhitian told me she called. and i know zhitian dosent tell lies either, so i guess this is a miscommunication. anw they told us to put down our bags and our first job was to tear out the ans sheet from d back of all the assememnt books. i had like almost 25 to tear, and the ans sheet is super thick. had a hard time. after tt we had to coach the kids again. taught a p1 kid called bill at first. was teaching him spelling and when he looked at me with an innocent face i felt scared. cos i seemed like ages since i last learnt spelling. but ended up he's quite cute and funny. i was reading the words to him then he occasionally interrupts me and tells me he knows. so i jus let him talk and gave him spelling once. i guess he's really really smart cos when i gave him spelling the first time he didnt know 3 out of 15 words. the second time he got it all right. so i was going on to teach him dictation when another teacher came and told the two p1s and joseph who is p2 to go to another room and i was to follow them. so i followed and den was gonna cont teachin bill spelling, den a teacher appear and tell me to teach joseph, so i said ok and changed seat. then when bill saw me leaving he looked at me in the eye as if thanking me, and started asking the teacher why i cant cont teaching him. the teacher was like explaining to him that i had to teach joseph first. then he went like ok and cont learning his spelling. i guess he will turn out to be smart or obedient n understanding i guess. after tt taught joseph and two words, vomit blood. seriously its that bad. he dosen pay attention at all. but he's kindda cute too cos he's innocent i guess. the first ques he asked me was how old are you? den i said 14. then he asked the nxt ques which is kindda weird. then he asked, are you married? then i was like, erm, no. like of cos.. i guess he dosent understand this kind of stuff yet, but he's quite cute and innocent though. after that started teachin and stuff and i guess he jus wasnt interested in wad i was saying. keep getting distracted. but didnt mind cos i guess i was like that when i was young too. but mayb not that bad bah. after tt he asked me if i smoke and drink beer. then i was like er of cos no la. but didnt say anything else cos he's kindda funny also. after tt he started to whine and ask me to teach faster. then he wen like can you tell me the answer. so i wen no, you have to learn. den he said, can you teach faster. den i said yes if you concentrate and pay attention i will. after tt he asked can you write for me. den i was like no, you must learn to write yourself. i must admit i'm kinda very very patient towards children like that. just like when i was teaching aika onii-san when she jus started nursery and i was even surprised that i had so much patient cos i'm not a very patient person you could say. after glory centre had some misunderstanding with my parents as usual and on the fatefully minute i received that sms. will not elaborate more i guess. i gotta slp or rather off the comp since i know the minute i know i'm alone, i guess i'm that useless. and i know that crying wont solve anything but i just cant help it. i really nidda go cos as usual my ear drums are bursting soon. and now to add on my head's bursting with thoughts soon. ps, some parts of this post may sound weird cos i took out some parts. if you wanna read then go to my other blog then. but fyi, the post is password protected. cos i like dont wan everyone to read it. and i guess only about 3 people will know? who knows. gotta go now |
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